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Confidently Beautiful?

They say the first photos of you taken have the best captured emotions. This was me, not so confident that time when I watched the events LOL But I think that's OK coz even the most confidently beautiful person I follow in the Internet, Bretman Rock (A man in makeup, who hosted the backstage coverage of the Miss Universe held (last year in Manila Philippines) had nerves. I think when it comes to pageants, we all get this shaky feeling from the beauty standards set by this competition. I will not deny though the joy and excitement this brings especially when you have Pinoy LGBT friends, workmates in beauty (MUA, HMUA), and seatmates I have never known before, united, screaming like they never did before (no pun intended),  and laughing at how we all reacted afterwards. LOL As in, those were the cherries on top. The audience was the best.

A lot of you are asking about my thoughts on Miss Universe-Spain 2018 Angela Ponce, who's a proud transgender woman, entering the international competition that's traditionally for "naturally-born women" as pageant local personality Winwyn Marquez, or "real women" as Miriam Quiambao would call themselves. 

Ok wag na magpaligoy-ligoy pa, matagal ko nang iniikot ung tanong LOL so ito na yung answer ko, which can be different from yours and there's nothing wrong with that..

For me, there are institutional rules, systems, especially in pageants like Miss Universe. And competitions are judged and owned by people with sets of ideologies. And these people can be homophobic or transphobic regardless if they’re smart or experts. After all, there are pageants that are for us (e.g. Miss International Queen in Thailand)

So the question is: DO WE NEED TO BELONG? Do we need to be confirmed by society as a cis-gendered (straight) woman? NO. because we are a different kind of woman. 

1.) YES, because it is for these trans kids who watch these pageants and believe that they will be viewed as a woman when they grow up. 2.) YES, to represent that battle against transphobia which Angela Ponce is fighting for, especially in the pageant industry where the T of the LGBT are mainly represented, employed, and entertained. 

BUT, it doesnt mean that Beauty is the only way to change the world, or the universe, rather. The universe wont explode without beauty queens championing “Confidently Beautiful” that excludes others kinds beauty. It is in fact this very institution that limits employment opportunities of other transgender women with different skill sets to the beauty/parlor industry, not saying there is something with wrong this. Just that there are transgender people who are good at math, who can be astronauts in space, in being behind the scenes, who dont have the “perfect body”, etc. Transgender = beauconera alone is a stigma that's being fought nowadays because as Whitney would say, we are every woman.  

For example, you can tell your kids to stop watching that program or explore other media. There are Youtubers now or very talented actresses like Laverne Cox who have millions of followers and can be idolized for being true to themselves and great at what they do too. If they are into pageants, we have our own. For the media, feature other transgender people in other fields. 

Regardless of the circumstances, I hope we all #riseuptogether and support our fellow sisters in their chosen industry. 


They said you shouldnt love someone just for sex
Thought it’s easy, I just need to be myself
But he looked at the mirror
Thought he’d see whats beneath clearer
“Where is your flower?”
He really never loved me ever 

They lied about love
Not a piece a meat
My body’s important 
They lied about romance
Not a one time sh*t
My identity’s not fetish 

They said you should sleep with someone who accepts you
Thought it’s impossible, I had to the believe harder
Checked in on Tinder
He still looked at the mirror
Thought he wanted transgender
Then he never called me again ever

They lied about romance
Not a piece a meat
My body’s important 
They lied about love
Not a one time sh*t

My identity‘s not fetish 

i had to walk away, and i'm sorry

anxiety and depression suck. and it's hard to explain. but I will. on this new personal space.  not for pity or attention or affirmation. i thought it's just time for me to share my mental health especially because last night, I had an argument with a good friend that almost ruined our relationship. because of anxiety. because I fear of people talking shit about me. because I am depressed. and Joey De Leon, depression is not a joke. 

beginning of this year, I had symptoms I cannot explain. 2016 was a very bad year for me personally, but oppositely for my career. as my good friend said, I am so good at hiding, with all my photos in social media, and how I present myself with makeup. well, this world can make you do that.


Inspired by Taylor Swift's 1989, the era of 80's when I was born, and the kind of current chill wave-like synth-pop and r&B music that I like.  #SpotifyMVP Follow my playlist if you like the feels that come with it!